DON’T WANT TO ATTEND YOUR 50TH HIGH SCHOOL REUNION? 5 AUTHENTIC, IMPORTANT REASONS TO GO!

BY ELIZABETH DUNKEL OCTOBER 08, 2019 LIFESTYLE

I can’t believe it, just as no one can believe it: the famous 50th high school reunion has cropped up on me. The sentiments have long been expressed: it went so fast. It seems like a cliché, the 50th… are we really that old?

And then there’s the big sigh. And the big question we each ask the one or two friends we’ve stayed in touch with all these years. “Are you going to go?” And, “What’s the point?”

The Ladder

This sigh is different from the ones you may have had in response to earlier reunions. The 10th reunion is about competition left over from high school – seeing who’s still hot, who got fat, who has the better job, who is married, who has kids.

High school rivalries, insecurities, and cliques are still in play. There’s still the possibility of connecting with a former love – or finding a new love.

Well, that’s a possibility at every reunion, isn’t it? Rekindling.

The 20th reunion is when we’re well on our way in life, though still comparing careers, children, marriages made, divorces, money earned or not.

At the 30th, we’re in our primes, and people are on second careers, divorced, starting over, moving. Life has been “felt.” You are who you are and where you are in your life, and for the most part, people have stopped comparing.

The 40th rolls around and you can’t believe you’re – OMG! – 60! We quietly compare the wear and tear on our bodies. It’s a very relaxed reunion.

Which is why when you get to the 50th, you think, what’s the point? To see how old we’ve become? To see who looks older or “worse” than you do? (“Who are all these old people?”)

Now it’s the grandchildren game – who’s got some, who’s got none. Who’s living the happiest retirement, who’s still proud to be working, and who’s not happy to be working.

The 50th is the reunion many people opt out of, thinking, “I don’t need to do this again. We won’t ever see each other again. What do we have in common really, anyway?”

It’s a Privilege to Go to Your 50th Reunion

When I was on the fence about going, I asked our reunion coordinator (bless his heart!!!) to send me a list of deceased classmates. Shock. Dismay.

That did it. They couldn’t go to the reunion, but I could.

You should go to your 50th reunion for the simple fact and joy that you’re still alive. It’s an honor and a privilege to be able to attend. Being alive is the point: it’s everything. If your class decides to hold a reunion after the 50th, an even higher percentage will be gone.

Don’t Live with Regret

I didn’t particularly want to go to my 50th, but when I asked myself the question I always ask myself when I’m waffling about something, “Would you regret it if you didn’t go?” my answer was yes.

Yes, I would regret not going. I would always wonder. I would say to myself: why were you being so silly? I booked the plane and the hotel immediately and rallied my friends to join me.

Talking About the Present, Not the Past

The 50th reunion is not about comparing anymore. Nor is it time to talk about the past as we did at other reunions. Rather, it’s about meeting as adults with long, rich lives behind us.

We meet each other anew, fresh, like new people at a great cocktail party. We meet with compassion and love, peace and goodwill. Now it’s time to talk about the present, how the world got to be the way it is, politics, cultural events, and how we plan to live our old age.

Like It or Not, It’s Your Tribe

Your high school class is a group of people like no other. Many of your high school classmates you’ve known since kindergarten! That’s pretty amazing.

And for better or worse, you spent the formative years of your crucial, memorable, tortured adolescence together. You are bound together by a collective consciousness that is precious and rare.

Hey, It’s Iconic!

Go, if for no other reason then just because it’s an iconic thing to do — “to go to your 50th high school reunion.” Join the club, join the conversation.

As I navigate in my present day world, I meet people and tell them I’m going to my 50th, and many of them say, “Oh, it’s great, I went to mine!”

Join the party! Adolescence is iconic, it never changes its stripes no matter how much tech is in the picture. Well, so is a 50th high school reunion an iconic thing to do.

If I have made one person, who reads this article, decide to go to their 50th reunion, I will consider my job well done! Next up: a report on what happened at that memorable event!

13 REVELATIONS I BROUGHT HOME FROM MY ICONIC 50TH HIGH SCHOOL REUNION

BY ELIZABETH DUNKEL OCTOBER 17, 2019 MINDSET

We slipped quietly into our hometown, arriving one by one – by car, taxi, bus, or train. We all wondered what we would feel. It all looks the same! It all looks different!

My two high school BFFs and I took a room at the local inn and wandered around town, ending up at the diner for lunch. Of course, there were classmates in there! We were taking over the town! The reunion weekend had begun.

When our 50th reunion came up, originally, I didn’t want to go, but I applied the “regret” test (“Would you regret it if you didn’t go?”). Yes, I said to myself and called up my two high school BFFs to book our tickets and hotel. And I’m soooo glad I did.

Here are the things I learned:

It’s a BIG Event

The 50th reunion is way bigger an event than you can even imagine. Big in the cosmic sense. Poignant to the max. Lives well lived. Health tolls. Tragedies and triumphs. Big emotions. Big thoughts.

Wonderings. Sadness and great joy. A time for taking stock, pausing as we go into the always uncertain future. Mostly, gratitude.

It’s All About the Hugs

I’ve been to every reunion that my class has held every 10 years, but the 50th was different. It was all about the big, fierce, strong, loving hugs we gave each other, no matter how well we knew each other back then.

It was about throwing myself into the arms of people I maybe barely acknowledged as I passed them in the halls 50 years ago. It was shocking, the amount of love and acceptance I felt. Who doesn’t want that?!

The Best Question to Ask Your Classmates

One of my high school BFFs is a psychiatrist, and she turned me on to the best question to ask classmates as a conversation starter. In the past, we asked about careers or children. And now, “Are you retired?” seemed boring and a dead end.

Her brilliant suggestion? “What do you do for fun?”

Wow! Now that’s a lovely and interesting question to be asked and answered. “What do you do for fun?” is an opening to bring out the essence of a person. It’s a loving and lovely question.

You MUST Dance!

Just like in high school, we gals got up and started dancing in our girl circles. I looked around and realized we represented every clique there was in high school, only now we were dancing all together!

I was dancing with a popular girl, a nerd, the class valedictorian, a cheerleader, the girl who got pregnant, the hood, the shy girl. Cliques were over, we were all fabulous now.

Even Movie Stars Look Old

I am fortunate to have in my high school class a REALLY BIG STAR OF STAGE AND SCREEN. A real MOVIE STAR. He’s come to every reunion we’ve had, dutifully, every 10 years, because he’s family! He belongs to us!

And I’m happy to say, he looks just as awfully fabulous (haha) as we all do! Hollywood has great lenses, gels, makeup artists, cosmetic surgeons, and digital retouching… but rest assured, in person, he looks like… us! And he posed for all the dumb photos we took all weekend long.

Make It a Weekend

If you can swing it – and you have good organizers – a weekend reunion is best, giving people the time for significant conversations and relaxing back into class conviviality. My three-day reunion cost $150.

On Friday night, there was a pay-as-you-go cocktail reception in a local bar for whoever arrived in town early.

On Saturday, there were tents and tables set up near the football field for a brunch starting at 10 a.m. and sliding into a barbecue as the day wore on. Hours for talking and wandering.

Saturday evening was a beautiful buffet dinner with a DJ. A pay-your-own casual breakfast was set up on Sunday before everyone left.

What Goes on in Your Hotel Room

What goes on in your hotel room is also a major part of the reunion, and it happens in rooms all over the hotel! I shared a room with my two high school BFFs.

We had a hilarious time together gossiping about absolutely everything, sharing notes from our conversations with different classmates, and having our own drama in the room as we discussed our lives.

I was aware that there were similar “pods” going on all over the hotel. There was the official reunion and there was all the conviviality going on in the hotel rooms.

Passions Can Run High

Even though everyone has mellowed, be prepared for FEELINGS! Hey, it’s high school! Certain people STILL “pressed my buttons”! I’m laughing as I write this because it’s really ridiculous.

But now, we are old enough to recognize it and not take it seriously. Still, high school holds onto you forever! That’s why it’s high school!

Take LOTS of Photos

Keep your phone in your hand during the reunion and snap away. Snap groups of people talking. Snap a pic of the person you’re talking to. Upload all your photos onto your class FB page so everyone can enjoy.

Go See Your Family Home

Take a walk around town and spend some time “on the street where you lived.” Look at your family home, see the changes, what trees are gone or replanted.

Walk down favorite streets, visit your old haunts. The familiar smells of your town, the light. Let the memories flow through you: it’s who you are! Feel blessed and grateful.

The Reunion Doesn’t End When It’s Over

You go home and will think about it for a long time. You will mull, laugh, cringe, and cry. It IS a big deal! The regrets of who you didn’t talk to, what you didn’t say. Forgive yourself. Celebrate yourself!

And carry on brightly into the future with all the love and memories that make you who you are. You are so lucky!